Because i does.

ADD poetry
A new series I’m starting, hopefully keeping up as well, with some of the stuff that would come out of this twisted mind.
I am but human.
Limited only by my ability to act on the actions of my thoughts.
Seeking only to please those around me as they shoot me in the back.
Perpetually understanding that the paradox’s of my heart are but realities of my thought.
Thinking. Bleeding. never fully seeding, the ideas we had but decided to just fallout.
Making us see what we never believe, as we bleed under-pressure, not knowing how to usher the light from our minds, as the blood drips down, making thought into a river, letting us see, which makes us quiver.
I am but human.
Lost to the days when carefree living was worrying about surviving.
Trying, to figure out how we may, if at all live without the nag.
I stand to find that I exist on line to repent for my wrongs, after not knowing what I did right.
I am but human.
Trying to see that which I haven’t.
To hear that which I couldn’t because it wouldn’t let me listen, only to find it lying hoping that I would go missing, just messing around with my thoughts, so I could be here all alone, just playing with the locks that shackle from skin to bone.
Knowing that I killed you, makes the world seem bearable, knowing it is silent makes me arrogant, knowing that my thoughts can assassinate, makes me think I can end the hate.
I am but human.

The moment, i died for.

Can the moments we live for, also be the moments we die for? If so, what would those moments be... ?




This is what helps me see everyday...

The idea of a moment is an interesting one, to say the least. It seems to involve thinking about what it is that you see as an individualized moment. An example most would seemingly give would be, seeing there child for the first time; seeing the love of their lives as that for the first time, the love of their life. But, what about the things as insignificant as was looking up to see a calming wind, or even listening to a song in front of a calming place. Those are moments that I have cherished since I realized I see things differently.


When i see something like this, this is a moment i keep close, because they are so unique they need to be captured.

I see things not as they are, but as I want to see them. In sense, letting these compartmentalized segments of time, something more then just something that can be passed up, but rather something more then the sum of its parts. From those parts, I choose to believe we have moments that allow us (me) to see things as beautiful as I want them, all the while seeing moments that do not actually exist is something I choose to believe is a necessity. Because, beauty is something that this world seems to have far too little of (no offense) and a little more of it seems be what is necessary.


Biology and natural make a moment, that i remember fondly...

The way that the light refracts off the sidewalk on a scorching summer day, creating a glimmering array of light that, only the twilight vampires could compare to. That is a moment of pure beauty that we take for granted. It would go unnoticed to those that seem to only see it as an annoyance to an otherwise ordinary walk down Queens Blvd. Yes, I am using real world examples, but unfortunately no, I will not be able to provide audiovisual guidance to see this beauty all the time. Yet, I digress, that is a moment in real time that cannot be described with anything by myself, but other then an anecdote about a terrible contrivances set up by Hollywood to swallow up the young minds of societies females—I can’t think but call it anything but a beautiful moment.

Really? Like Diamonds? All i see is the glimmering of pavement on a summer day.


The moment I realized I had truly, fucked up my life, is one of those moments that as much as I wanna say is beautiful, it isn’t but that’s what makes a moment so special, so unique. It is s point in actual space that makes sense to me, not because it was really a fucked up point in my life, but because I was the moment I realized that I could change, be something more, and maybe, if I try hard enough, achieve that which I seemed to covet so dearly without it being something unattainable.
And so, those are moments, about vision and clarity, tomorrow I hope to write about moments in musical awesome(ness) that I cant wait to ramble on about. Either way here are a few things to ponder over, while your trying to sort through this unedited piece of garbage.


Some music, to enjoy... its a litte personal, fuck you. Its a really good track.

The end of stopgaps, and the beginning of something not too much better but rather more enlightening.

The title is a result of me writing this post. it seems apt enough
I should not be typing this right now; I have a paper due in 18hrs that has yet to have an introduction and another that needs to be heavily edited. And yet here I am, sitting here at my old stomping grounds of the forest hills branch of the Queens borough public library, typing, and trying to figure out my life in general, because I need to get it out of my head before I can proceed any further.
So to begin…
My life is in a weird place right now, im content with it to an extent. Though I have always wanted more, a lot more, like the whole world more, I am satiated with what I am currently doing. I am not the ideal student, nor employee, but I am striving to become what I always wanted to become, a beacon of understanding for myself , as well as to an extent those around me. Which to is to me, unscrupulously stupid because I always hoped to become the arrogant prick that I always saw our society was suppose to create. Those asshole C*$ts that seem unable to move forward their own unethical and arbitrary rules to create order out of chaos that only meant that they were as people knew them indoctrinated into their own repulsive and indecisive rules.
Did that last bunch of words or the entire paragraph make any sense, cause it really didn’t to me. Yet I had to write it as a way to free myself of it, a thought that no longer exists as a thought, but as an idea, is to me no longer important unless it can be of some use to another, for an idea is to me something for others to use, for me, they tend to go misused and fall apart at the seams. I digress…
I realize over the last 6 months ive done things that I would prefer not to divulge, but am glad to have experienced and what they have allowed me to and not to become. They have shown me that my life is not a meandering pile of hate that can no longer be contained due to the constraints that I believed my life put on me, because I frankly don’t care anymore.
Life has becomes what I cannot see anymore, something that I always wanted to anticipate, and gave me credence to hate what I wanted to hate and only become that which could become and not what I would want to become. I hate that. I really truly do, but it allows me to see where my life had taken me as a result of someone who would always anticipate the most optimistic outcomes from the most pessimistic perspectives. Giving thought to the negative to only see what I would believe to be the most ideal outcome to the worst thoughts I could ever have. To be dead while making a difference was better then being alive and trying to.
I see now though that, that mentality was unwise, unwilling to compromise for things like friendship, love, hate, and anger; All things that I felt in immense amounts over the last year. Fearing that my life would be better spent trying to grasp the ultimatum of my life’s actions rather then recreating them anew, allowing them to become what I fear the most, me not being able to do anything about what they mean to me—but, I was okay with it because I though it to be normal, an existence where my life as a whole would me mean little to nothing without a strict understanding of what my thoughts were capable of creating.
From there I met some people, people who where not unlike me, confused hating this existence, hoping for a better tomorrow, not for themselves but for everyone around them. I have said this before, and I will repeat it again, my existence and for that matters everyone’s, means nothing if they cannot at least attempt to do something better for the world around them, and yes it is very hard, because I myself am not able to financially able to support myself fully right now, all the while supporting my own immediate family. Yet it is this need to be more that has shown me in the last six months and to an extension of that, the last year, that I can be more, I can be what I need to be for the people around me, the person that I have always wanted to be, an impartial judge that does not look at the world through goggles of emotion to render something for myself alone, but as a means to extend my emotions a means to help others understand the world around them, and as well themselves.
To summarize, or clarify, because they are the same thing in this sense, I no longer resent myself and those around me, for what they made me do all those years. For what I had become or wanted to become because of what I thought to be true, was a version of what I wanted to be true. So I see now that those truths’ though a makeup of what I had become as a result of what I wanted to believe have become the building blocks to what I can become now.
\ So I have come to the conclusion that I needed to write these papers and to do so I had to get these bullshit thoughts on a document, publish the document, and only then could I see what I was never sure of without writing it. It also helps that I have some seriously fucked up feelings right now that are satiated only by expression of thought into stream of consciousness literature that I present before this today. I hope this utter confusion does not, in anyway make you realize your faults, because that really wasn’t what I was going for.
Thank you all who have seen what I have become over the last few months and neglected to acknowledge, it; I needed to see it for myself.
It also doesn’t hurt that there is so much awesome music coming out right now that I have these emotions of utter glee thanks to them.
the further down the rabbit hole i go, the more the light seems to blind me....

what we become... PT.1 Stopgaps

I have spent the last year of my life believing that there was something that I was meant for things far greater then my mind could realistically comprehend. Yet, my mind has the tendency to wander in places it is not really meant to go. In this current post, my utterly incongruent thoughts about the relationship I have, to what I see around me, and what actually exists. Ill try and be quick, but I highly doubt anybody is going be in the mood or proper state of reality to comprehend this.
Stopgaps
I want to begin by saying, I am not someone you will like, and that is to say, I am not someone one can expect to agree with. I am someone who does not believe that existence is limited by psychological barriers but by psychological impediments. We take stopgaps to everything we do. Even though we are, theoretically, capable of far more then we actually do, the little things get in the way.
I guess that’s one of my fundamental flaws, I know that I have these stopgaps and yet I do nothing about them, I let them feed into what I am and what I become. Allowing it to consume my existence in the most minute and insignificantly significant ways, that is leads me to believe that I was only put here to fumble over myself and nothing else. For it seems that all acts that I have ever attempted to perform have either ended how they were supposed to with these “stopgaps,” or occurred slightly different then they were intended to.
Has always made me cringe thinking about what I could do if didn’t think things over a million times over in my head, convoluting everything that I would hope to achieve. Relationships, for friends or otherwise, have taken their toll on what I believe myself capable of.
That is why I need to become someone who takes the key aspects of a problem and uses the most important aspects of it to make a decision on it. I want to become the person who looks at a situation and reacts on if with my first and most important thought. It will be tough, but knowing what ive been able to do in the past it, it should be interesting.
Okay so this has already taken too long, so I will continue this later, and turn this into a series.

the oft delayed review- modern warfare 2

so i haven't used this thing as somewhere to post any reviews yet, but now seems like an alright place to start, three months after it comes out.
Originally published in Knight news December issue.

Modern Warfare 2, the sequel to the 13 million selling 2007 release Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, had a lot to live up to. The original had a tight and well passed single-player campaign that took, the character all over the eastern hemisphere, and had some of the best action set pieces in any game of that year. On top of that It had one of the best and most addictive multiplayer experiences, that many other games have gone on to ape and improve on for the most part. So it was no wonder the developers, Infinity ward kept the game on the down low until they could show us its full potential, and well… it truly is fantastic.
The game itself is slightly different now, it still has the single player and multiplayer campaign, but Infinity Ward also took the liberty of adding a third element, that can be played solo or with friends; Spec-ops. Spec-op is for the most part a co-op campaign in the vain of the first modern warfare’s, “mile high club” level. It takes different situations from the single player campaigns and pins you and a friend against some obscene odds at points. With missions that look like the sniper mission of the first game and others having one player on the ground fighting through enemies, while the other is in the gunner seat of an AC-130 gunship, providing cover fire and all around raining hell from the sky. This mode allows the player to cleanse their palates of the constant viciousness of multiplayer and the sheer ludicrous nature of the single player.
If there was a game with the title of game that is most ripped from the headlines, it would have been the Modern Warfare. It took elements of our societies “war’s on terror”, and by putting them in a game that had you specifically seeking out “terrorists” it really gave you shock when one of that characters had a nuke blow up in his face and die a painful death while you had him crawling out of a crashed helicopter, all in first person mode. So it wasn’t surprising when this one took some of the more out there moments of the original and made them looks like romantic comedy. Modern warfare 2 does things that will shock and awe, because it is straight up controversial with some of the events that it displays you or allows you to do, because of this it prompts you twice that you might find some stuff controversial, making it something really adult as opposed to something completely associated with children.
I wont discuss story too much, because there are so many little things that it would seem unfair to those who want to experience it for themselves. All I will say is the movies Red Dawn and The Rock come to mind at multiple points in the movie…err game and that it takes place 5 years after the events of the first. It also takes the concept of a plan going painfully wrong with a full-blown invasion on of the United States and its capitol. As well the story, much like the previous games puts you in the role of different characters throughout, not surprisingly, a few end up with their untimely demise. That’s all ready giving up too much of the story, but it really is a little over the top, and not as grounded as the first one which had allowed people to believe its madness to a degree, this just turns it into an action movie, with a Michael Bay-esque instances.
The game-play however, much like the first is solid and tight. The controls are spot on, and the sequences that don’t have you just shooting are very cleverly done and fun as well. The mission variety keeps things moving, fast, and with out real hiccups, though some vehicle instances may feel a bit rickety, with stiff controls and odd aiming, but they last for mere moments if for less then 3 or 4 minutes. The environments are varied greatly, with your character jumping from multiple places around the globe, like Rio de Janeiro, Afghanistan, and other locations that would give away far too much about the story. All in all though, the single player has an excellent story, though a little bananas at points, is super fun to play, though anything higher then normal for non experienced players will have you throwing controllers because three enemies some how can throw twelve grenades at you with two hands; and it gets the action game concept right without diluting it with fluff.
Now multiplayer in the last few years has become the only thing that gives people reasons to go back to games. The original Modern warfare set industry standards for people going back to play a game over and over with its ability to bring players back to it because of its innovative game-play and leveling, giving the player the whole, “ill only play for five more minutes” syndrome. Modern warfare 2 continues with that tradition, by adding new load out combination's, kill streak bonus’s and death streaks, for players who are not as endowed at the game as the 13 year old who has already prestige, within two days of its release and killed you with a knife from half a map away, followed by calling you some sort of derogatory term.
These streaks are what make up the majority of the changes in multiplayer; there are long lists of things you can change about these streaks, which, in the first game were small and fairly limited. While you could scan the map call in a UAV or an air strikes, in this one you can do all those, along with call in a predator strike, control a predator drone, control an AC-130 gunship, and with a 25 kill streak dropping a tactical nuke, instantly ending the game and the person who dropped it, or their team automatically win the match. Preposterous you say, no one is that good that quick, well, as it so happens in the games that this reviewer played I had two separate nukes drop on me in two separate maps. The reason they are able to get these kill streaks is that this game controls and plays exactly like the original, so ever person who played the original over the last two years will instantly be almost too proficient at this game, killing you with grenade tags that seem almost impossible.
The death streaks are Infinity wards way of dealing with the never-ending cycle of spawn- death-spawn-death by giving players who have constantly gotten killed the ability to wither stay alive for seconds after their death to fire off some more shots, take the load out of the person who killed you, or in classic modern warfare fashion, martyrdom, where you drop a live grenade after your death. Though you hope to never have to use these, it helps when you are a casual multiplayer participant, like myself.
The game features the standard death match team, death match; capture the flag, domination, and something that no one expected, third person-mode. This mode allows for the over the shoulders running and gunning, which actually breaks the game for the most part, because the camera movement becomes all about spotting things before they should actually be in view, it loses most of its “fun.” The other modes, in first person, are still fun and addictive, not succumbing to the usual tropes of just copying and pasting, because of the streaks and perks that are available to you.
The game as a whole is an excellent experience, and absolutely worth the price tag, even the 149.99 price tag that I paid for the prestige edition, which contains a pair of functioning night vision goggles, which for the price tag are really a good solid goggles that will allow you to stare at the raccoons in your backyard to your hearts content. The game is all around well developed and well made, with a few discrepancies that would spoil the stories plot which could be a Bay movie on its own. It will keep you busy for a long while, whether it is, the single player campaign, the spec ops missions with your friends, or shooting/ blowing people up in the online multiplayer.
A

the Films list.

Movies are not a tough topic for me to discuss, the medium affects me like no other. As cliché as that sounds it is 1truer then I can ever describe in words, which I am afraid say, my skills do not allow me to do. Alas, I give you this list of the movies that made me, think, cry, laugh, widen my eyes to awe inspiration, and all around entertain me. These are but a few films that I feel deserve recognition.
Where the Wild things are
This is the reason I watch movies. This is not a movie, for it is an emotional tour de force, aimed like a scud missile to the heart. It reminds you about what childhood is and what you forget as you get older. It is also an apt look at the way our society functions, in a childish and immature manner, unable to become what it needs to in the midst of change, instead choosing to work around change like it is some sort of unchanging landmass that would take a millennia just to climb. It also made me cry like the little boy the movie made me feel I was, because it was so beautiful in its execution. I can give no higher praise to a movie, other then it has changed me- for the better.
James Cameron’s Avatar
This movie was a late bloomer on this list; it had a lot of hype surrounding it, not necessarily positive. Yet alas the existence of this film has changed my outlook on films from now on, no not because it was a 3-d explosion of awesomeness (though it certainly was) but it was what I have sought from films for a long time, a fully realized world of a existence. Though most movies are capable of creating a new world that has been inhabited by the existence of new beings, they are often diluted by the existence, or lack thereof of, imagination. Yet, the director, James Cameron, took distinct care to realize that avatar was not going to exist unless it had it self realized, and that is what avatar is a world, in known to all unless seen in this film, and felt by the audience.
Inglorious Basterds
Well, how could one of my lists be complete without a Quentin Tarantino? It couldn’t, honestly. Its was spaghetti Western meets a revenge thriller, according to everyone, but for me it was the perfect blend of ironic and quick witted dialogue, that honestly created a feeling of the giggles throughout and made giddy with excitement to see what would happen next because it was not a formulaic storyline with the long and drawn out end of the second world war. In stead it opted for the quick no holds barred, “ What the fuck just happened” that made fall head over heels in love with this film.
(500) Days of Summer
I should put this out there: I am sucker for a good love story, even when it’s not a love story. When a movie is able to put into perspective that a man is incapable of understanding that they (we) will never understand what the concepts of fate are or how they can correlate to our understanding of the opposite sex. It was poignant and ironic, in all the right ways, legitimately making it one of my favorite films ever, not tops but certainly around there.
The hurt Locker
Since I am a glutton for hyperbole, I would like to display my complete and utter admiration for “the hurt locker.” Its one of those films that has a contemporary plotl that is more important then most real life article written by the mainstream news outlets regarding a degenerative war that just keep spitting at those who participate in it. It is well made, entertaining and all around a vast and kind look at what today’s veteran has dealt with and the difference between those who do it because they have no other choice, and those who do it because everyone else doesn’t want to and see it as a moral obligation or a description of how they can do nothing else.
Moon
Same Rockwell alone in this film makes it phenomenal. Moon’s storyline and excellent progression of the storyline makes it wonderful and frightening all while looking at a bland future where life is expendable with the a document.
Honorable mentions:
The Princess and the Frog
District 9
Star Trek
Watchmen
An Education
Up in the Air

i return for no particularly good reason.

What can I say that I already haven’t stated multiple times without looking back on it and saying, “you dumb mother fucker, what the hell were you thinking?”.
So, I’ll write this now to quell my own idiosyncrasies, for which I have many. I am unable to grasp the true nature of existence aside from, to quote Alan Moore’s character the Comedian, “Its all a fucking Joke!” because as it would seem the weight of the world it exponentially heavier then the weight that I have succumbed to, on my body.
That is enough just to keep me satisfied for the moment, for I have to listen to testimony and decide someone’s fate in few hours. That is the price I have to pay to uphold this inconsistent and corrupt democracy charges me with at this current moment. Sigh, it is not fair.
This year is looking to make me want to scream louder then any previous, and it has just begun, huzzah!

Better then It looks...

What am I? It is a question I keep asking myself. I am left speechless in trying to discuss its ramifications, and what I might reveal about myself, to myself, in discussing it. I shall broach this topic today because I am on the brink of crying due to the things that this world is capable of doing. From the geo political situation of our society; to the ever dumb-ing down of what our society teaches its youth.
I, am currently watching a movie that is making me think about the decisions I’ve made in my life and how grateful I am that I have made some decision’s over others. For I may have done some revolting things over the years, which still to this day, cut deeper then any knife could. Yet it makes me think more and more about who I am, and what I’m capable of doing for society. I can change it for the better, give it something that it deserves, and give it a hope that I so want society to so desperately have. Yet alas it is something that I need to focus my life on, and my life has always been a mishmash of me being unable to motivate myself to do anything productive.
This isn’t a blog for me anymore, its something understand why I do the things I do. Mainly because I cant do it on my own. I don’t do it to understand myself better but to understand how I can be understood. Which seems like a anomaly in an of itself, because if someone else can understand me, then I have become a victim of a society that neglects itself enough that it can be understood more than it can be identified.
Again, this no longer a blog about me spitting my writing out for the sake of writing, cause I haven’t put a single game review up, but if you could only see my saved folder, and all the crap that I have in there. The simplest answer to the gaming question is that its really something near and dear to me and I can’t let it become something that I really get bored with.
On the musical tip I will probably be writing more about the songs that have made me feel something over the last 5 months, yes since the end of last semester. Why, because this summer was something special for me, not exactly sure what that special something was, but it gave me something to look forward to, in the coming future.
Song’s of the moment
“Countdown”- Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
“Wolcott”- Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend
“In My Sleep”- Joe Budden, The Padded Room

im a complicated being...

The future is unclear for me. Yes, that is how I start the first blogpost after a couple of months of silence. But I guess I can expect that from myself now, a self-loathing fool of a human being. Yet, me wallowing in my own idiocies and misconceptions have lead me to this conclusion: the human race is comprised of a self-implicating mistakes that, for the most part, didn’t need to occur. Had the offending party been keen enough to recognize their misgivings, it is a fair assumption that they would have understood that they were, with out a doubt in their minds as well as mine, mistaken in some way shape or form. Wow, that was certainly long-winded and pretentious to no end, but alas it needed to be this and not another grouping of words that had no context in reference to what they actually mean in context to society as it stands today.
Now if you understood what that last sentence said or meant for that matter, seek help, quick! Yet if the ideas are vague and slightly indecipherable then I commend you because you have began to understand the ways in which someone’s (me) psyche actually works. It is a complex yet manageable mish mash of ideas and concepts that I need to explicate for no other reason then to get it out of my head.
These thoughts that I speak about, they are more mine then anything I have every possessively owned. They are the reason I have stuck around in this almost meaningless existence as a writer and or journalist. These thoughts though, I have never really been able to articulate them as something that people would want to read or look at for prolonged periods of time. So, that’s why im going to again try something with my writing. As in attempt new things that should keep some people interested in what I have to say or even care at all. These new things will be essentially like newspaper op-ed pieces ( I Hope) that take an almost biased persons objective take on things. What that means is I will attempt to write things that I feel to be important, and at the same time discuss its need for reform if need be.
Well that’s all I will continue to write, because well this took me long enough as is so hopefully ill write again soon, for all of those who care to read.

well... this is the end...

It's not a bad thing, this is the end to my idiotic ways of not paying attention. An end to me being unable to get the courage to stand up and do something. An end to me not reading between the lines of the bullshit and hate. An End... to whatever i seem incapable of doing nothing about.
So yeah this is the blog post that i put out after, oh 2 months of silence, its not like i gave a damn about school... should i have?

Music!!!!

So, I’m writing this to talk about music. I know, I know I still haven’t posted anything legitimate and readable about games, but don’t worry when it comes it’ll be good. Back to the pressing issue, all the new and awesome music that has been released so far this year. Now, I’m a guy with eclectic tastes and flavor’s( wait…) but the amount of crap as opposed to good stuff to come out it fairly small compared to last year. So here are just a few that I am personally really enjoying:
1. Lily Allen- It’s Not Me, It’s You
Her follow up to her awesome debut, Alright, Still, had me apprehensive. Would it be a rehash of her old work, or would it be a super pop-y new concoction? Turns out, it was different from the original, dance/pop-y was present but it wasn’t overdone, and it was fantastic (93). It was a, very, frank look at the emotions she’s been experiencing over the last few years and what she see’s society has become. The songs are still comically pleasing, like my personal favorite “Not fair,” which is about a secure relationship the isn’t… Ahem, “performing.” The Album is as a whole a great projection of ideals, that shouldn’t be missed, because of its social context, as well as how cute she is, in my humble opinion.
2. Justice- A Cross the Universe
So in 2007, these French Dudes released an album called Cross( the symbol). The tracks were all really good, on their own, but as an album it was a journey. Early on this year these dudes released a live album, A Cross the Universe, and it will blow minds (87). It took great electronica tracks that were well done in the studio, brought them into a live environments and did something really amazing with how the sound… Exploded in your ear. This is the elecrtonica fans must-have album; it’s up there with Alive 2007 and well… I can’t remember right now but really good live records.
3. Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavilion
Okay, it should be said right off the bat, Animal Collective are not my cup of tea. They are abrasive, hard to meld with and all around weird. With that said, I haven’t disliked any of their records, but Merriweather Post Pavilion is the exception… I really liked it (91), The album is a odd blend of repeated tunes that frankly shouldn’t work sonically, but somehow become these great sounding tracks, with cryptic lyrics, for which the titles have no bearing. It’s a great, indie/electronic/folk/rock record because its so, bat shit.
4. The Lonely Island- Incredibad
I put this record here for one reason, it made me laugh. Not since, Tenacious D, has a disjointed buddy adventure comedy/ rap album has made me feel good about just listening to the lyrics, and sometimes just giggling at the, “cunt-hole, Steve.” It was a little imbalanced with the quality of the songs but the individual tracks were better then the album as a whole, Really funny though.
5. P.O.S.- Never Better
Wow, I haven’t talked about rap yet, Lonely Islands don’t count. This album is seriously something most people will overlook but… Damn. This is one of the most lyrically and sonically progressive album I’ve heard all year, so far. I didn’t get a chance to give It a score, mainly because I got it like 4 hours ago, but I already listened to it 3 times. This might be playing on my iPod for a very long time.
That’s it for now Kids. I’ll drop some more suggestions in the near future. But I’ll leave you with a few more albums, minus my thoughts:
U2- No Line on the Horizon
K’naan- Troubadour
Joe Budden- The Padded Room
Bon Iver- Blood Bank EP

Watchmen Impressions... And Penis'!

Watchmen, just the name conjures up the ideas of War, Love, and Blue Penis’? Yes, Watchmen, the film adaptation of the Alan Moore’s tour de force graphic novel, has finally come the big screen, and it’s…Good.
No, I did not have an proverbial “nerdgasm” while watching the movie, mainly because it was so enthusiastically an action movie, before the gritty crime drama and philosophical tale that the original graphic novel was. It took scenes of symbolism and turned them into either aphrodisiacs or just straight up action sequences. That is what frustrated me as a person who took the graphic novel and brought it close to the heart. The other issues though are unforgivable as a far as movies go.
The main issue with it as a movie, it was disjointed as hell. The characters had no context for their actions, why was there a Silke Spectre II or Nite Owl II? What was the point of putting Hollis Mason in the final cut if our not going to eventually do something with him? The whole resolution sequence of the movie has no context, as far as how the story is supposed to be progressing. The first few shots give away who the antagonist is, as well as his voice. What the hell is with the penis shots?
The things I did like though were the representation of the city, what is was and who the characters are to it. It was brutal as hell, adding to the whole “Snyder style”, sort of worked with the fight sequences. The man, who played Rorschach, was fantastic, except for the end sequence where he got a bit emotional. The story, to a point is fantastically faithful, to the source material. Finally it was all in all, enjoyable. Especially in IMAX, for which you really want to get there early for the good seats. It was stellar-ly shot, hopefully all in 60mm HD, but I doubt it considering it got a bit grainy at points.
In the end this turned out to be an good action movie that needs to be put into context. The characters were undeveloped due to time constraints. The action and special effects were great, but would have been better suited for the full HD treatment, especially Dr. Manhattan’s penis, which stole the show.

Non- gaming, kinda the usual i guess.

This is a blog post!
Who am I kidding; this is as much a blog post as it is a written profession of how much of an idiot I might be. Either way, I sit here today( in political science) to talk about what I think of what journalism has become. I am probably the wrong person to speak about something like this, mainly cause I am impossible to take seriously. With all the bullshit that I’ve gone through in the last few months I use this blog just to vent, on my Macbook pro, with the missing “J” key. Regardless, of this fact I feel it is important for the next generation of, “dudes who write and talk,” to discuss the ramification of commercialization of journalism as a whole.

Rupert Murdoc comes to mind when discussing the concept of commercialization. The CEO of the Fox enterprises, it doesn’t seem shocking that a super conservative news organization is run by a dude who’s got like six satellites. The man controls so much of whatever comes out of his network that the word objectivity has become somewhat of a joke to this whole concept. I mean, the whole New York post editorial cartoon brings up the perfect form of conservatism and divergence from objectivity. Specifically for the cartoon however I call, Shenanigans. How something like that could possible get past the copy desk, if one exists? The fact that I can concretely see that a copy desk was non-existent might raise some questions as to where it is headed.
I want to comment on the other side of the stick ( huh? Stick). The “liberal Mass media,” are responsible for the dumb-ing down of the society, with the fluff piece that will encompass 5 minutes of a 35-minute news report. They show people the news and what has occurred but at the same time they try to find who is to blame or who was in the wronged party, a perfect example of this, the New York Post editorial cartoon. The media instantaneously latched on to the fact that it was FOX enterprises that was responsible for this mishap. Now, in no way am I denying the fact that it was them who were at fault, but pining for vengeance? That just seems mean spirited and improper, especially if it wasn’t them that figured out that the article had shown up, in that mornings paper, it took riots to get them to show up. Sensationalism, this seems to rule the liberal mass media that seems to be the issue along with perceived baises that seem to engrain themselves into our everyday lives.
The things that I want to talk about tis the governements role in all of this. Where are they? Are they just the being that the news focuses on in their coverage, or are they part of the problem? They control what comes out of the world and they run a great share of thought that flows through our daily lives. So what are they doing to promote journalism to improve them? Certainly not letting it stay objective, because if it was doing that, then we would have a lot more young people in politics, For the sole fact that they don’t have this fear of constant elder statesmen influence. If critique was something readily taken seriously in an objective society we wouldn’t be able to have the idiotic society we currently live in. It would show the government what its doing wrong, but what difference would that make to a bunch of old people who tend not to know, current events as much as they know the events of 1963.
The way in which I think everything could get better: subsidies for writers who’s only goal is to be objective and critical of what is going on in the world. The critique shouldn’t revolve around the government as a whole but towards individual politicians. By looking at they’re campaign contributions as well as pedigree we might, just might, be able to understand where their decisions come from, from their asses or from their wallets, the former being more acceptable then the latter.

Wow, that war certainly a ramble that I didn’t expect to go on this long. I didn’t even talk about my life (success!). For most I didn’t talk about games and how I play them. I know, I know… I still haven’t published any reviews, but there is a good reason I haven’t… which I won’t divulge in here. Because it would go on for far too long.
Will write again soon... hopefully

Jargon... the language of an idiot.

I write, to release this anger. Anger, I have had building up inside me for a long, LONG time. We live in a nation of idiots and whores, whom somehow control what we do everyday. They make the laws and they tell us the difference between what is wrong and what can be accepted. They make you feel bad for being honest and insightful, yet they lie through their teeth in order to make you feel accepted. So I’ll speak to the wrongs, and I’ll speak to the fight, a fight that can only be described and ignorant and ill conceived.
This doesn’t seem coherent, but then again when has rambling ever seemed coherent, its fun though, the concept of rambling. You can talk like an idiot and sound like you’re rapping about the dumbest stuff in the world, with your own ludacris, but “made sense at the time” attitude. So this is going to go down as something ridiculous that I ended up saying, on the Internets, and most probably don’t understand the bullshit that I speak. Yet I gotta speak it, or more correctly, Spoke it .
If the last two paragraph’s made any sense to anybody, Please… seek help.
until next time,


hopefully you don'y look like this guy after this reading. Sad really...

for the love of god, nothing interesting.

There is nothing for me to write about. This is insane usually I would make something up, but nothing seems to be sparking. This is weird, a writer having nothing to write about. Then again every one gets writers block now and again, right? Oh this is gonna be a long and painful day. I should take a nap. Yeah il do that library here I come.

The choices that i have made, or will make

Well, I didn’t get many responses from the last post… So I’m going to write about all three. Before that however, I have to preface you reader(s), this may take quite a long time. I’m actually going to try and write this not just pull something out of my ass and spit it through my keyboard.
It’s been along time since I wanted to just to do something because it is productive and it was something that could help me improve myself (that came out weird). However my motivation lies in my ability to have an audience, which I don’t actually think I have. So I’ m going to write this thing(s) as a way broadening my horizons. I want to show the world that an idiot, like myself, can write a piece that can go toe to toe with those of scholars who love to over complicate topics, just because they know so very much about its background. I plan to end that with something so stupendously stupid, that I highly doubt that its going to work. I won’t divulge in it now but it involves some stupid thinking.
Well I think I’ve rambled on for long enough. I will leave people to ponder the fact that classes start in about a day and I haven’t that faintest idea as what I’m going to do with my life.

the choice

Well, it seems that my skills as a writer are in doubt, not only to myself but to the fact that I’ve gotten arrogant over this fact and I no longer think that anything is good enough. So I’m going to write something, something I hope to get published. I’m not sure what it is yet, but when I do you can bet I won’t stop writing until I think that it is ready. So here are some topics that I think I can let develop in my head.
1. The concept of government, why is it that people feel the need to need it. It seems that according to some political theorists, we innately decided to form these groups that soon turn into governments. I have a want, to understand this. For some reason, the government doesn’t make sense to me, the one we currently have at least, which I frankly think is flawed from its core, but that can be put up for discussion.
2. The ideas of games as art. I know this debate has been brought up hundreds of times, but what is art? Is it something tangible or is it something that is up for debate. Does the ability to evoke emotion bestow something with the label art? This argument has tickled my interest since, well everyone else was arguing about it and I wanted to argue also.
3. The reason the way we are. This is probably going to be the toughest one to “discuss” not because it’s extraordinarily broad and absurd but because I’m going to go existential. I want to read into the idea of creation. If God created us (if there is a God, I personally am a Believer), then what gave us the right… no ability to act awry from his will. Well at least I’ll try to speak with some in sight as to what it actually is.

Later old friend. 1up R.I.P.

I post this because it is well, A fucked situation. I don’t think anyone from 1up reads this but, here goes…
For the last 2 years I’ve delved into gaming more then I had before. It was like I had found my niche. What had developed that niche was, frankly, good writing, and over the past two years I’ve learnt from probably the best and brightest around. Aside from things like the times or the journal, 1up was probably some of the greatest writing on the net. Writers like Jeff Green and Shawn Elliott are were phenomenal inspirations to me. These guys did what they loved every day and they were amazing at it, as well as being some of the smartest people around. They I had my heart set on achieving my dream, a low level legal expert for a consulting firm (I aim lower then most, what can I say). Then came people like Dan Hsu, who I am officially ripping off my integrity from. Crispin Boyer, the fucking funniest and most insightful writer around. Finally came the 1up fm crew, Anthony Gallegos, Nick Suttner, Phillip Kollar, and a bunch of the other fellows that wrote and spoke on the podcast. These people have affected me innumerably, not only with their insight into the gaming world but of their insight on life its self.
Now, to get into the bullshit: Why fire all that I truly looked up to with inspiration. Well I guess it was the fault of Ziff and their dumb ass marketing team but regardless, it still hurts to see people that you have been interacting with for the last 2 years shown the door. I honestly, don’t know what to say besides, thanks for the great times and the education.
This is a continuation of my confessional. I know it doesn’t seem like it but: This experience has made me stronger, and happier for that matter, mainly because from the ruins arises a bunch of fantastic new endeavors (rebel FM!), and me really going hardcore into writing. I know it doesn’t seem like it but writing this takes me for-fucking-ever, but im getting better at it. So I leave today on a not that I was hoping I wouldn’t have but, a somber one.
PS- on the movie tip I just saw eagle eye and Death race. During the former I fell asleep halfway through, and the latter I really liked as a mindless action film.

Take Two!
Well that was a bomb of a first take, but you’ll never know cause, I hit Crtl+A then delete on this document. In other words I didn’t like how it was going so, I canned it. Regardless I’m back and primed as ever… actually my plans for the day fell apart and I didn’t really have much to do, then I remembered I had a blog, and here I am. Now, what I was talking about in my last post was a bunch of , insignificant, unbecoming, and very true, facts about myself.
The fact of the matter is that I am scared of what I can become. I don’t know how to react to the people around me when they do something out of the social norm. Fuck, I don’t know how to react when they are doing the most normal things in the world! Maybe that is why I can’t have anything but friendships with anyone. I don’t know if it’s me or it’s my fear of rejection but it’s really getting to me. I fear that as a, out of touch with the modern times, Nineteen year old I will never be able to ask someone out without being on the verge of throwing up. I sound like Im repeating myself, to none other then myself.
Even so, I wanted to write this in order to let it out, as well as see if I was still motivated enough to write. Clearly I still have the latter. As for the former I don’t know if I can express myself properly. It seems like a frightening notion, that a grown person who was able to present a supreme court case in front of people and know what he is talking about, cannot ask a person of the opposite sex whether or not she wants to have coffee, WHY IS IT SO HARD! I assume it’s my attitude towards life, I don’t think we should be living cause we are an inherently evil species, but it never hurt to actually have someone besides family to really, truly care about. I just want someone to care about.
Well that is all for the evening. Scrubs are finally on again and I’m almost done with Entourage Season 4. Huzzah!!!

part one of my confessional

I sit here today, in my pajamas, on the verge of enjoying the third season of Entourage, and I can’t seem to put my finger on why this year may be different. Well, maybe I should preface the reason for which I’m actually writing this list. The answer is short and simple, 2008, for me, was a year of faults and stupid decisions, and I don’t plan on repeating those again in this, the new year.
The first stupid thing that I did was I got my priorities out of place. I put school on the backburner. For some reason, I guess it was subconscious; I got the impression that I was smarter then the system that I, a student of, first physics, now political science, knew more then. Boy, was I wrong. The idea that, I student could know more then these people whom; had gone to these prestigious colleges, that frankly I will probably never get into; and know more then them about the things they are teaching me is baffling. So I write this part today as a confessional, to myself, as well as admitting my flaws.
So over a period of the next few weeks I shall (hopefully) crank out a piece each day and in those pieces I shall try and reconstruct myself as a person, by admitting my, flaws and weaknesses, and by revealing what I could’ve done, like not been a dumb shit coward and asked someone out. So to all of you reading thanks, and this will get better.