Monday, March 22, 2010

what we become... PT.1 Stopgaps

I have spent the last year of my life believing that there was something that I was meant for things far greater then my mind could realistically comprehend. Yet, my mind has the tendency to wander in places it is not really meant to go. In this current post, my utterly incongruent thoughts about the relationship I have, to what I see around me, and what actually exists. Ill try and be quick, but I highly doubt anybody is going be in the mood or proper state of reality to comprehend this.
Stopgaps
I want to begin by saying, I am not someone you will like, and that is to say, I am not someone one can expect to agree with. I am someone who does not believe that existence is limited by psychological barriers but by psychological impediments. We take stopgaps to everything we do. Even though we are, theoretically, capable of far more then we actually do, the little things get in the way.
I guess that’s one of my fundamental flaws, I know that I have these stopgaps and yet I do nothing about them, I let them feed into what I am and what I become. Allowing it to consume my existence in the most minute and insignificantly significant ways, that is leads me to believe that I was only put here to fumble over myself and nothing else. For it seems that all acts that I have ever attempted to perform have either ended how they were supposed to with these “stopgaps,” or occurred slightly different then they were intended to.
Has always made me cringe thinking about what I could do if didn’t think things over a million times over in my head, convoluting everything that I would hope to achieve. Relationships, for friends or otherwise, have taken their toll on what I believe myself capable of.
That is why I need to become someone who takes the key aspects of a problem and uses the most important aspects of it to make a decision on it. I want to become the person who looks at a situation and reacts on if with my first and most important thought. It will be tough, but knowing what ive been able to do in the past it, it should be interesting.
Okay so this has already taken too long, so I will continue this later, and turn this into a series.