Well that was a bomb of a first take, but you’ll never know cause, I hit Crtl+A then delete on this document. In other words I didn’t like how it was going so, I canned it. Regardless I’m back and primed as ever… actually my plans for the day fell apart and I didn’t really have much to do, then I remembered I had a blog, and here I am. Now, what I was talking about in my last post was a bunch of , insignificant, unbecoming, and very true, facts about myself.
The fact of the matter is that I am scared of what I can become. I don’t know how to react to the people around me when they do something out of the social norm. Fuck, I don’t know how to react when they are doing the most normal things in the world! Maybe that is why I can’t have anything but friendships with anyone. I don’t know if it’s me or it’s my fear of rejection but it’s really getting to me. I fear that as a, out of touch with the modern times, Nineteen year old I will never be able to ask someone out without being on the verge of throwing up. I sound like Im repeating myself, to none other then myself.
Even so, I wanted to write this in order to let it out, as well as see if I was still motivated enough to write. Clearly I still have the latter. As for the former I don’t know if I can express myself properly. It seems like a frightening notion, that a grown person who was able to present a supreme court case in front of people and know what he is talking about, cannot ask a person of the opposite sex whether or not she wants to have coffee, WHY IS IT SO HARD! I assume it’s my attitude towards life, I don’t think we should be living cause we are an inherently evil species, but it never hurt to actually have someone besides family to really, truly care about. I just want someone to care about.
Well that is all for the evening. Scrubs are finally on again and I’m almost done with Entourage Season 4. Huzzah!!!