Tuesday, January 27, 2009

for the love of god, nothing interesting.

There is nothing for me to write about. This is insane usually I would make something up, but nothing seems to be sparking. This is weird, a writer having nothing to write about. Then again every one gets writers block now and again, right? Oh this is gonna be a long and painful day. I should take a nap. Yeah il do that library here I come.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The choices that i have made, or will make

Well, I didn’t get many responses from the last post… So I’m going to write about all three. Before that however, I have to preface you reader(s), this may take quite a long time. I’m actually going to try and write this not just pull something out of my ass and spit it through my keyboard.
It’s been along time since I wanted to just to do something because it is productive and it was something that could help me improve myself (that came out weird). However my motivation lies in my ability to have an audience, which I don’t actually think I have. So I’ m going to write this thing(s) as a way broadening my horizons. I want to show the world that an idiot, like myself, can write a piece that can go toe to toe with those of scholars who love to over complicate topics, just because they know so very much about its background. I plan to end that with something so stupendously stupid, that I highly doubt that its going to work. I won’t divulge in it now but it involves some stupid thinking.
Well I think I’ve rambled on for long enough. I will leave people to ponder the fact that classes start in about a day and I haven’t that faintest idea as what I’m going to do with my life.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

the choice

Well, it seems that my skills as a writer are in doubt, not only to myself but to the fact that I’ve gotten arrogant over this fact and I no longer think that anything is good enough. So I’m going to write something, something I hope to get published. I’m not sure what it is yet, but when I do you can bet I won’t stop writing until I think that it is ready. So here are some topics that I think I can let develop in my head.
1. The concept of government, why is it that people feel the need to need it. It seems that according to some political theorists, we innately decided to form these groups that soon turn into governments. I have a want, to understand this. For some reason, the government doesn’t make sense to me, the one we currently have at least, which I frankly think is flawed from its core, but that can be put up for discussion.
2. The ideas of games as art. I know this debate has been brought up hundreds of times, but what is art? Is it something tangible or is it something that is up for debate. Does the ability to evoke emotion bestow something with the label art? This argument has tickled my interest since, well everyone else was arguing about it and I wanted to argue also.
3. The reason the way we are. This is probably going to be the toughest one to “discuss” not because it’s extraordinarily broad and absurd but because I’m going to go existential. I want to read into the idea of creation. If God created us (if there is a God, I personally am a Believer), then what gave us the right… no ability to act awry from his will. Well at least I’ll try to speak with some in sight as to what it actually is.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Later old friend. 1up R.I.P.

I post this because it is well, A fucked situation. I don’t think anyone from 1up reads this but, here goes…
For the last 2 years I’ve delved into gaming more then I had before. It was like I had found my niche. What had developed that niche was, frankly, good writing, and over the past two years I’ve learnt from probably the best and brightest around. Aside from things like the times or the journal, 1up was probably some of the greatest writing on the net. Writers like Jeff Green and Shawn Elliott are were phenomenal inspirations to me. These guys did what they loved every day and they were amazing at it, as well as being some of the smartest people around. They I had my heart set on achieving my dream, a low level legal expert for a consulting firm (I aim lower then most, what can I say). Then came people like Dan Hsu, who I am officially ripping off my integrity from. Crispin Boyer, the fucking funniest and most insightful writer around. Finally came the 1up fm crew, Anthony Gallegos, Nick Suttner, Phillip Kollar, and a bunch of the other fellows that wrote and spoke on the podcast. These people have affected me innumerably, not only with their insight into the gaming world but of their insight on life its self.
Now, to get into the bullshit: Why fire all that I truly looked up to with inspiration. Well I guess it was the fault of Ziff and their dumb ass marketing team but regardless, it still hurts to see people that you have been interacting with for the last 2 years shown the door. I honestly, don’t know what to say besides, thanks for the great times and the education.
This is a continuation of my confessional. I know it doesn’t seem like it but: This experience has made me stronger, and happier for that matter, mainly because from the ruins arises a bunch of fantastic new endeavors (rebel FM!), and me really going hardcore into writing. I know it doesn’t seem like it but writing this takes me for-fucking-ever, but im getting better at it. So I leave today on a not that I was hoping I wouldn’t have but, a somber one.
PS- on the movie tip I just saw eagle eye and Death race. During the former I fell asleep halfway through, and the latter I really liked as a mindless action film.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Take Two!
Well that was a bomb of a first take, but you’ll never know cause, I hit Crtl+A then delete on this document. In other words I didn’t like how it was going so, I canned it. Regardless I’m back and primed as ever… actually my plans for the day fell apart and I didn’t really have much to do, then I remembered I had a blog, and here I am. Now, what I was talking about in my last post was a bunch of , insignificant, unbecoming, and very true, facts about myself.
The fact of the matter is that I am scared of what I can become. I don’t know how to react to the people around me when they do something out of the social norm. Fuck, I don’t know how to react when they are doing the most normal things in the world! Maybe that is why I can’t have anything but friendships with anyone. I don’t know if it’s me or it’s my fear of rejection but it’s really getting to me. I fear that as a, out of touch with the modern times, Nineteen year old I will never be able to ask someone out without being on the verge of throwing up. I sound like Im repeating myself, to none other then myself.
Even so, I wanted to write this in order to let it out, as well as see if I was still motivated enough to write. Clearly I still have the latter. As for the former I don’t know if I can express myself properly. It seems like a frightening notion, that a grown person who was able to present a supreme court case in front of people and know what he is talking about, cannot ask a person of the opposite sex whether or not she wants to have coffee, WHY IS IT SO HARD! I assume it’s my attitude towards life, I don’t think we should be living cause we are an inherently evil species, but it never hurt to actually have someone besides family to really, truly care about. I just want someone to care about.
Well that is all for the evening. Scrubs are finally on again and I’m almost done with Entourage Season 4. Huzzah!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

part one of my confessional

I sit here today, in my pajamas, on the verge of enjoying the third season of Entourage, and I can’t seem to put my finger on why this year may be different. Well, maybe I should preface the reason for which I’m actually writing this list. The answer is short and simple, 2008, for me, was a year of faults and stupid decisions, and I don’t plan on repeating those again in this, the new year.
The first stupid thing that I did was I got my priorities out of place. I put school on the backburner. For some reason, I guess it was subconscious; I got the impression that I was smarter then the system that I, a student of, first physics, now political science, knew more then. Boy, was I wrong. The idea that, I student could know more then these people whom; had gone to these prestigious colleges, that frankly I will probably never get into; and know more then them about the things they are teaching me is baffling. So I write this part today as a confessional, to myself, as well as admitting my flaws.
So over a period of the next few weeks I shall (hopefully) crank out a piece each day and in those pieces I shall try and reconstruct myself as a person, by admitting my, flaws and weaknesses, and by revealing what I could’ve done, like not been a dumb shit coward and asked someone out. So to all of you reading thanks, and this will get better.