Thursday, October 1, 2009

Better then It looks...

What am I? It is a question I keep asking myself. I am left speechless in trying to discuss its ramifications, and what I might reveal about myself, to myself, in discussing it. I shall broach this topic today because I am on the brink of crying due to the things that this world is capable of doing. From the geo political situation of our society; to the ever dumb-ing down of what our society teaches its youth.
I, am currently watching a movie that is making me think about the decisions I’ve made in my life and how grateful I am that I have made some decision’s over others. For I may have done some revolting things over the years, which still to this day, cut deeper then any knife could. Yet it makes me think more and more about who I am, and what I’m capable of doing for society. I can change it for the better, give it something that it deserves, and give it a hope that I so want society to so desperately have. Yet alas it is something that I need to focus my life on, and my life has always been a mishmash of me being unable to motivate myself to do anything productive.
This isn’t a blog for me anymore, its something understand why I do the things I do. Mainly because I cant do it on my own. I don’t do it to understand myself better but to understand how I can be understood. Which seems like a anomaly in an of itself, because if someone else can understand me, then I have become a victim of a society that neglects itself enough that it can be understood more than it can be identified.
Again, this no longer a blog about me spitting my writing out for the sake of writing, cause I haven’t put a single game review up, but if you could only see my saved folder, and all the crap that I have in there. The simplest answer to the gaming question is that its really something near and dear to me and I can’t let it become something that I really get bored with.
On the musical tip I will probably be writing more about the songs that have made me feel something over the last 5 months, yes since the end of last semester. Why, because this summer was something special for me, not exactly sure what that special something was, but it gave me something to look forward to, in the coming future.
Song’s of the moment
“Countdown”- Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
“Wolcott”- Vampire Weekend, Vampire Weekend
“In My Sleep”- Joe Budden, The Padded Room

Monday, July 13, 2009

im a complicated being...

The future is unclear for me. Yes, that is how I start the first blogpost after a couple of months of silence. But I guess I can expect that from myself now, a self-loathing fool of a human being. Yet, me wallowing in my own idiocies and misconceptions have lead me to this conclusion: the human race is comprised of a self-implicating mistakes that, for the most part, didn’t need to occur. Had the offending party been keen enough to recognize their misgivings, it is a fair assumption that they would have understood that they were, with out a doubt in their minds as well as mine, mistaken in some way shape or form. Wow, that was certainly long-winded and pretentious to no end, but alas it needed to be this and not another grouping of words that had no context in reference to what they actually mean in context to society as it stands today.
Now if you understood what that last sentence said or meant for that matter, seek help, quick! Yet if the ideas are vague and slightly indecipherable then I commend you because you have began to understand the ways in which someone’s (me) psyche actually works. It is a complex yet manageable mish mash of ideas and concepts that I need to explicate for no other reason then to get it out of my head.
These thoughts that I speak about, they are more mine then anything I have every possessively owned. They are the reason I have stuck around in this almost meaningless existence as a writer and or journalist. These thoughts though, I have never really been able to articulate them as something that people would want to read or look at for prolonged periods of time. So, that’s why im going to again try something with my writing. As in attempt new things that should keep some people interested in what I have to say or even care at all. These new things will be essentially like newspaper op-ed pieces ( I Hope) that take an almost biased persons objective take on things. What that means is I will attempt to write things that I feel to be important, and at the same time discuss its need for reform if need be.
Well that’s all I will continue to write, because well this took me long enough as is so hopefully ill write again soon, for all of those who care to read.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

well... this is the end...

It's not a bad thing, this is the end to my idiotic ways of not paying attention. An end to me being unable to get the courage to stand up and do something. An end to me not reading between the lines of the bullshit and hate. An End... to whatever i seem incapable of doing nothing about.
So yeah this is the blog post that i put out after, oh 2 months of silence, its not like i gave a damn about school... should i have?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Music!!!!

So, I’m writing this to talk about music. I know, I know I still haven’t posted anything legitimate and readable about games, but don’t worry when it comes it’ll be good. Back to the pressing issue, all the new and awesome music that has been released so far this year. Now, I’m a guy with eclectic tastes and flavor’s( wait…) but the amount of crap as opposed to good stuff to come out it fairly small compared to last year. So here are just a few that I am personally really enjoying:
1. Lily Allen- It’s Not Me, It’s You
Her follow up to her awesome debut, Alright, Still, had me apprehensive. Would it be a rehash of her old work, or would it be a super pop-y new concoction? Turns out, it was different from the original, dance/pop-y was present but it wasn’t overdone, and it was fantastic (93). It was a, very, frank look at the emotions she’s been experiencing over the last few years and what she see’s society has become. The songs are still comically pleasing, like my personal favorite “Not fair,” which is about a secure relationship the isn’t… Ahem, “performing.” The Album is as a whole a great projection of ideals, that shouldn’t be missed, because of its social context, as well as how cute she is, in my humble opinion.
2. Justice- A Cross the Universe
So in 2007, these French Dudes released an album called Cross( the symbol). The tracks were all really good, on their own, but as an album it was a journey. Early on this year these dudes released a live album, A Cross the Universe, and it will blow minds (87). It took great electronica tracks that were well done in the studio, brought them into a live environments and did something really amazing with how the sound… Exploded in your ear. This is the elecrtonica fans must-have album; it’s up there with Alive 2007 and well… I can’t remember right now but really good live records.
3. Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavilion
Okay, it should be said right off the bat, Animal Collective are not my cup of tea. They are abrasive, hard to meld with and all around weird. With that said, I haven’t disliked any of their records, but Merriweather Post Pavilion is the exception… I really liked it (91), The album is a odd blend of repeated tunes that frankly shouldn’t work sonically, but somehow become these great sounding tracks, with cryptic lyrics, for which the titles have no bearing. It’s a great, indie/electronic/folk/rock record because its so, bat shit.
4. The Lonely Island- Incredibad
I put this record here for one reason, it made me laugh. Not since, Tenacious D, has a disjointed buddy adventure comedy/ rap album has made me feel good about just listening to the lyrics, and sometimes just giggling at the, “cunt-hole, Steve.” It was a little imbalanced with the quality of the songs but the individual tracks were better then the album as a whole, Really funny though.
5. P.O.S.- Never Better
Wow, I haven’t talked about rap yet, Lonely Islands don’t count. This album is seriously something most people will overlook but… Damn. This is one of the most lyrically and sonically progressive album I’ve heard all year, so far. I didn’t get a chance to give It a score, mainly because I got it like 4 hours ago, but I already listened to it 3 times. This might be playing on my iPod for a very long time.
That’s it for now Kids. I’ll drop some more suggestions in the near future. But I’ll leave you with a few more albums, minus my thoughts:
U2- No Line on the Horizon
K’naan- Troubadour
Joe Budden- The Padded Room
Bon Iver- Blood Bank EP

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Watchmen Impressions... And Penis'!

Watchmen, just the name conjures up the ideas of War, Love, and Blue Penis’? Yes, Watchmen, the film adaptation of the Alan Moore’s tour de force graphic novel, has finally come the big screen, and it’s…Good.
No, I did not have an proverbial “nerdgasm” while watching the movie, mainly because it was so enthusiastically an action movie, before the gritty crime drama and philosophical tale that the original graphic novel was. It took scenes of symbolism and turned them into either aphrodisiacs or just straight up action sequences. That is what frustrated me as a person who took the graphic novel and brought it close to the heart. The other issues though are unforgivable as a far as movies go.
The main issue with it as a movie, it was disjointed as hell. The characters had no context for their actions, why was there a Silke Spectre II or Nite Owl II? What was the point of putting Hollis Mason in the final cut if our not going to eventually do something with him? The whole resolution sequence of the movie has no context, as far as how the story is supposed to be progressing. The first few shots give away who the antagonist is, as well as his voice. What the hell is with the penis shots?
The things I did like though were the representation of the city, what is was and who the characters are to it. It was brutal as hell, adding to the whole “Snyder style”, sort of worked with the fight sequences. The man, who played Rorschach, was fantastic, except for the end sequence where he got a bit emotional. The story, to a point is fantastically faithful, to the source material. Finally it was all in all, enjoyable. Especially in IMAX, for which you really want to get there early for the good seats. It was stellar-ly shot, hopefully all in 60mm HD, but I doubt it considering it got a bit grainy at points.
In the end this turned out to be an good action movie that needs to be put into context. The characters were undeveloped due to time constraints. The action and special effects were great, but would have been better suited for the full HD treatment, especially Dr. Manhattan’s penis, which stole the show.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Non- gaming, kinda the usual i guess.

This is a blog post!
Who am I kidding; this is as much a blog post as it is a written profession of how much of an idiot I might be. Either way, I sit here today( in political science) to talk about what I think of what journalism has become. I am probably the wrong person to speak about something like this, mainly cause I am impossible to take seriously. With all the bullshit that I’ve gone through in the last few months I use this blog just to vent, on my Macbook pro, with the missing “J” key. Regardless, of this fact I feel it is important for the next generation of, “dudes who write and talk,” to discuss the ramification of commercialization of journalism as a whole.

Rupert Murdoc comes to mind when discussing the concept of commercialization. The CEO of the Fox enterprises, it doesn’t seem shocking that a super conservative news organization is run by a dude who’s got like six satellites. The man controls so much of whatever comes out of his network that the word objectivity has become somewhat of a joke to this whole concept. I mean, the whole New York post editorial cartoon brings up the perfect form of conservatism and divergence from objectivity. Specifically for the cartoon however I call, Shenanigans. How something like that could possible get past the copy desk, if one exists? The fact that I can concretely see that a copy desk was non-existent might raise some questions as to where it is headed.
I want to comment on the other side of the stick ( huh? Stick). The “liberal Mass media,” are responsible for the dumb-ing down of the society, with the fluff piece that will encompass 5 minutes of a 35-minute news report. They show people the news and what has occurred but at the same time they try to find who is to blame or who was in the wronged party, a perfect example of this, the New York Post editorial cartoon. The media instantaneously latched on to the fact that it was FOX enterprises that was responsible for this mishap. Now, in no way am I denying the fact that it was them who were at fault, but pining for vengeance? That just seems mean spirited and improper, especially if it wasn’t them that figured out that the article had shown up, in that mornings paper, it took riots to get them to show up. Sensationalism, this seems to rule the liberal mass media that seems to be the issue along with perceived baises that seem to engrain themselves into our everyday lives.
The things that I want to talk about tis the governements role in all of this. Where are they? Are they just the being that the news focuses on in their coverage, or are they part of the problem? They control what comes out of the world and they run a great share of thought that flows through our daily lives. So what are they doing to promote journalism to improve them? Certainly not letting it stay objective, because if it was doing that, then we would have a lot more young people in politics, For the sole fact that they don’t have this fear of constant elder statesmen influence. If critique was something readily taken seriously in an objective society we wouldn’t be able to have the idiotic society we currently live in. It would show the government what its doing wrong, but what difference would that make to a bunch of old people who tend not to know, current events as much as they know the events of 1963.
The way in which I think everything could get better: subsidies for writers who’s only goal is to be objective and critical of what is going on in the world. The critique shouldn’t revolve around the government as a whole but towards individual politicians. By looking at they’re campaign contributions as well as pedigree we might, just might, be able to understand where their decisions come from, from their asses or from their wallets, the former being more acceptable then the latter.

Wow, that war certainly a ramble that I didn’t expect to go on this long. I didn’t even talk about my life (success!). For most I didn’t talk about games and how I play them. I know, I know… I still haven’t published any reviews, but there is a good reason I haven’t… which I won’t divulge in here. Because it would go on for far too long.
Will write again soon... hopefully

Friday, February 20, 2009

Jargon... the language of an idiot.

I write, to release this anger. Anger, I have had building up inside me for a long, LONG time. We live in a nation of idiots and whores, whom somehow control what we do everyday. They make the laws and they tell us the difference between what is wrong and what can be accepted. They make you feel bad for being honest and insightful, yet they lie through their teeth in order to make you feel accepted. So I’ll speak to the wrongs, and I’ll speak to the fight, a fight that can only be described and ignorant and ill conceived.
This doesn’t seem coherent, but then again when has rambling ever seemed coherent, its fun though, the concept of rambling. You can talk like an idiot and sound like you’re rapping about the dumbest stuff in the world, with your own ludacris, but “made sense at the time” attitude. So this is going to go down as something ridiculous that I ended up saying, on the Internets, and most probably don’t understand the bullshit that I speak. Yet I gotta speak it, or more correctly, Spoke it .
If the last two paragraph’s made any sense to anybody, Please… seek help.
until next time,


hopefully you don'y look like this guy after this reading. Sad really...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

for the love of god, nothing interesting.

There is nothing for me to write about. This is insane usually I would make something up, but nothing seems to be sparking. This is weird, a writer having nothing to write about. Then again every one gets writers block now and again, right? Oh this is gonna be a long and painful day. I should take a nap. Yeah il do that library here I come.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

The choices that i have made, or will make

Well, I didn’t get many responses from the last post… So I’m going to write about all three. Before that however, I have to preface you reader(s), this may take quite a long time. I’m actually going to try and write this not just pull something out of my ass and spit it through my keyboard.
It’s been along time since I wanted to just to do something because it is productive and it was something that could help me improve myself (that came out weird). However my motivation lies in my ability to have an audience, which I don’t actually think I have. So I’ m going to write this thing(s) as a way broadening my horizons. I want to show the world that an idiot, like myself, can write a piece that can go toe to toe with those of scholars who love to over complicate topics, just because they know so very much about its background. I plan to end that with something so stupendously stupid, that I highly doubt that its going to work. I won’t divulge in it now but it involves some stupid thinking.
Well I think I’ve rambled on for long enough. I will leave people to ponder the fact that classes start in about a day and I haven’t that faintest idea as what I’m going to do with my life.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

the choice

Well, it seems that my skills as a writer are in doubt, not only to myself but to the fact that I’ve gotten arrogant over this fact and I no longer think that anything is good enough. So I’m going to write something, something I hope to get published. I’m not sure what it is yet, but when I do you can bet I won’t stop writing until I think that it is ready. So here are some topics that I think I can let develop in my head.
1. The concept of government, why is it that people feel the need to need it. It seems that according to some political theorists, we innately decided to form these groups that soon turn into governments. I have a want, to understand this. For some reason, the government doesn’t make sense to me, the one we currently have at least, which I frankly think is flawed from its core, but that can be put up for discussion.
2. The ideas of games as art. I know this debate has been brought up hundreds of times, but what is art? Is it something tangible or is it something that is up for debate. Does the ability to evoke emotion bestow something with the label art? This argument has tickled my interest since, well everyone else was arguing about it and I wanted to argue also.
3. The reason the way we are. This is probably going to be the toughest one to “discuss” not because it’s extraordinarily broad and absurd but because I’m going to go existential. I want to read into the idea of creation. If God created us (if there is a God, I personally am a Believer), then what gave us the right… no ability to act awry from his will. Well at least I’ll try to speak with some in sight as to what it actually is.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Later old friend. 1up R.I.P.

I post this because it is well, A fucked situation. I don’t think anyone from 1up reads this but, here goes…
For the last 2 years I’ve delved into gaming more then I had before. It was like I had found my niche. What had developed that niche was, frankly, good writing, and over the past two years I’ve learnt from probably the best and brightest around. Aside from things like the times or the journal, 1up was probably some of the greatest writing on the net. Writers like Jeff Green and Shawn Elliott are were phenomenal inspirations to me. These guys did what they loved every day and they were amazing at it, as well as being some of the smartest people around. They I had my heart set on achieving my dream, a low level legal expert for a consulting firm (I aim lower then most, what can I say). Then came people like Dan Hsu, who I am officially ripping off my integrity from. Crispin Boyer, the fucking funniest and most insightful writer around. Finally came the 1up fm crew, Anthony Gallegos, Nick Suttner, Phillip Kollar, and a bunch of the other fellows that wrote and spoke on the podcast. These people have affected me innumerably, not only with their insight into the gaming world but of their insight on life its self.
Now, to get into the bullshit: Why fire all that I truly looked up to with inspiration. Well I guess it was the fault of Ziff and their dumb ass marketing team but regardless, it still hurts to see people that you have been interacting with for the last 2 years shown the door. I honestly, don’t know what to say besides, thanks for the great times and the education.
This is a continuation of my confessional. I know it doesn’t seem like it but: This experience has made me stronger, and happier for that matter, mainly because from the ruins arises a bunch of fantastic new endeavors (rebel FM!), and me really going hardcore into writing. I know it doesn’t seem like it but writing this takes me for-fucking-ever, but im getting better at it. So I leave today on a not that I was hoping I wouldn’t have but, a somber one.
PS- on the movie tip I just saw eagle eye and Death race. During the former I fell asleep halfway through, and the latter I really liked as a mindless action film.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Take Two!
Well that was a bomb of a first take, but you’ll never know cause, I hit Crtl+A then delete on this document. In other words I didn’t like how it was going so, I canned it. Regardless I’m back and primed as ever… actually my plans for the day fell apart and I didn’t really have much to do, then I remembered I had a blog, and here I am. Now, what I was talking about in my last post was a bunch of , insignificant, unbecoming, and very true, facts about myself.
The fact of the matter is that I am scared of what I can become. I don’t know how to react to the people around me when they do something out of the social norm. Fuck, I don’t know how to react when they are doing the most normal things in the world! Maybe that is why I can’t have anything but friendships with anyone. I don’t know if it’s me or it’s my fear of rejection but it’s really getting to me. I fear that as a, out of touch with the modern times, Nineteen year old I will never be able to ask someone out without being on the verge of throwing up. I sound like Im repeating myself, to none other then myself.
Even so, I wanted to write this in order to let it out, as well as see if I was still motivated enough to write. Clearly I still have the latter. As for the former I don’t know if I can express myself properly. It seems like a frightening notion, that a grown person who was able to present a supreme court case in front of people and know what he is talking about, cannot ask a person of the opposite sex whether or not she wants to have coffee, WHY IS IT SO HARD! I assume it’s my attitude towards life, I don’t think we should be living cause we are an inherently evil species, but it never hurt to actually have someone besides family to really, truly care about. I just want someone to care about.
Well that is all for the evening. Scrubs are finally on again and I’m almost done with Entourage Season 4. Huzzah!!!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

part one of my confessional

I sit here today, in my pajamas, on the verge of enjoying the third season of Entourage, and I can’t seem to put my finger on why this year may be different. Well, maybe I should preface the reason for which I’m actually writing this list. The answer is short and simple, 2008, for me, was a year of faults and stupid decisions, and I don’t plan on repeating those again in this, the new year.
The first stupid thing that I did was I got my priorities out of place. I put school on the backburner. For some reason, I guess it was subconscious; I got the impression that I was smarter then the system that I, a student of, first physics, now political science, knew more then. Boy, was I wrong. The idea that, I student could know more then these people whom; had gone to these prestigious colleges, that frankly I will probably never get into; and know more then them about the things they are teaching me is baffling. So I write this part today as a confessional, to myself, as well as admitting my flaws.
So over a period of the next few weeks I shall (hopefully) crank out a piece each day and in those pieces I shall try and reconstruct myself as a person, by admitting my, flaws and weaknesses, and by revealing what I could’ve done, like not been a dumb shit coward and asked someone out. So to all of you reading thanks, and this will get better.